Thursday, June 30, 2005

Dharma & Greg

You know as a general rule, especially as this stage in my life, I kind of detest the TV. Movies I can handle to a certain degree but the TV is such an abuse of my time. There's just no value that comes from it these days.

Last night, however, I watched Dharma & Greg with my wife. You know, it felt good to laugh out loud for once. I seem to be so 'into' all the BS and negative shit in my life right now that I have been neglecting to laugh. I always thought Dharma & Greg was kind of a lame show but damn it, it's just funny. Thanks Dharma & Greg, for showing me the way. You may have won your way into my nightly schedule. (If I'm not fast asleep or playing Battlefield 2)

That is perhaps the MOST shallow post I plan on making - like, ever.

But that's just kind of how I'm feeling today.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Once a smoker, always a smoker

I'll assume you as the lowly reader of my blog (I dunno, maybe it's just me who will read this, and that's ok too) don't know me. There was a time in my life when I was a smoker. Nay, an AVID smoker. I'd say a pack a day probably qualified me as 'avid', although I realize some people smoke way more than that, and still not feel like they smoke that much.

Shortly before my wife and I decided to have a baby, I managed to kick the addiction. I remember being really very proud of myself. It was not the first time I'd tried to quit. This time I bought the gum and I really think that helped me a lot, although it was still incredibly difficult to kick the non-chemical addiction. The feeling of the perfectly engineered round cylinder of love in between my fingers, the familiar satisfaction of taking a draw on the cigarette, the playful pastime of ejecting the smoke from my mouth in ever-more-creative ways.

It's now been over 5 years since I considered myself as a smoker, but in the past two weeks, I find that my desire to become a regular smoker again is getting greater and greater by the day. I can, however, think of nothing more repulsive than my children being around a smoking father, or the thought of me getting home in the evening, reeking like a wet ashtray and hugging them. Those mental images are my primary incentive to not completely break down and regress. I have no problem keeping those negative thoughts alive in my mind and for that reason alone I'm sure I can succeed in this particular battle against desire.

Great.

Well...

Just lately I've been finding it 'acceptable' to smoke the occasional cigarette at home, on the driveway... after the kids are asleep and safe in their beds. A cigarette followed by a quick shower, no-one is any the wiser, apart from my laundry pile. That's OK, right? I know it's not. I can say now that I know it's NOT ok, but I just want to put this in writing so I can look back on it in the coming weeks and months. It's NOT ok.

Right now I'm using it as a crutch to get through a very stressful period in my life. I shouldn't be. I hope that I can either be strong enough to walk alone, or that the stressful period won't last much longer than this pack of cigarettes will last. (which gives me approximately another 17 days of stress)

Social smoking I can deal with, although I also realize that THAT is unacceptable too. However it's this new occasional 'comfort injection' I need to focus on now. I know it's got to stop. I can't venture down this path again.

Calm and Collected, but not Cool

They turn off the AC at night here at work. Coming in at 8am means you're going to be dripping wet by 9. Nice.

...But it IS good for the company.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Hypocrisy

Nothing pisses me off more than hypocrisy. If you mandate something to me that you feel is important, I am happy to oblige. I'm a nice person, I can make comprimises in the interest of a relationship.

If immediately after our agreement is made, you show a blatant disregard for your own mandate, then fuck you. The contract previously established has been nullified.

Excuse the language.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Definition du jour

job rape (jŏb rāp) n.

an unwanted or forced change in vocation perpetrated by one's superiors.

Getting things done

Seems like this is a week for getting things done that have been outstanding for a while in my world. I've been fixing things and installing things and catching up on things that have just taken a back seat for a while. Maybe I'm 'nesting' in preperation for this 'new' job. Among others, I finally added some pictures to my website. The last time I'd added any was after Camden's first birthday back in 2004. He's about to be 2 on July 31st so I figured this might be a good time to fill in the gaps. I know I suck. Of course it having been so long since I used my gallery, nothing worked properly, so fixing that added to the laundry list.

How badass is it that you can order parts for pretty much anything you've every purchased from Sears? We've had an elliptical machine for probably close to 2 years now which has been noisy from day one, with play in the pedals. I guess that should have been a sign that it wouldn't last too long because, well... it didn't. I took it apart this weekend when the newly-developed squeaking became unbearable, only to find that the bearings that surround the main axle have worn a sizeable groove in the axle itself. Judging by the size of the groove, I'd say those bearings never worked. Piece of crap. Anyways, $100 later parts are on their way and in all honesty, as much as I hate that damn thing, I'll feel pretty good if I get it all back together and it works like it should, all silent and 'tight'. I just wish I could be as optimistic at the chances of our washing machine being repaired. Maybe I should just bolt that fucking thing to the floor. That'd stop it moving halfway across the room during the spin cycle.

Migraines, Stress, Allergies, and Bluescreens. This is the life.

I've been nursing an insanely bad migraine for most of the day. One of those "every movement hurts" migraines where by the end of the day I can't even open one eye because the pain is too great.

Maybe running out of my allergy medicine last week is a contributing factor. Maybe it's due to the fact that I was essentially laid-off-but-not-really some time last week. Maybe it's the fact that I have quite a bit to do before I move into my new job and the pressure is getting to me. Maybe I just had a bad headache. When there are so many possibilities all at once, none of which can be immediately removed, how do you diagnose which one is responsible by the traditional process of elimination? Beer. That's how. Beer and huge-ass horse pills of ibuprofen.

Speaking of the process of elimination, I was finally able to play a solid 2 hours of Battlefield 2 this weekend without the dreaded bluescreen of death that I've been getting. I probably should have been more slow and deliberate in my elimination of possible causes but I wound up disabling DEP on my machine, disabling unused SATA channels, slowing my memory settings from 1T to 2T, disabling my unused serial port, and disabling my unused Floppy Disk Controller in the BIOS (hoping to free up some IRQ channels in case what I was experiencing was an IRQ conflict). One or all of those seemed to do the trick but I suspect the new 2T memory settings are having a detrimental effect on gameplay, with the occasional stutter when switching from zoomed to non-zoomed mode when using the anti-tank missile for example. I guess since I wasn't slow and deliberate in my elimination process I'll have to be slow and deliberate in my re-introduction process, changing at least the memory settings back before trying again.

...Of course, knowing my luck, it'll bluescreen just fine even with all those things removed.

Incidentally, a really useful toolset I found for analyzing memory dumps after a bluescreen was Debugging Tools for Windows from MS themselves ( I guess they throw us a bone every now and then ) with pretty good 101-level instructions here.

Oh yeah, and today is Ed's birthday. What a great guy. One of the most charitable and generous people you'd care to meet. Even though he's a freak. He's our freak and we love him.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Can You Hear Me Now

I guess the fact that I can post from my phone will enable me to be COMPLETELY spontaneous and even more random that I might be normally inclined to be.
This could be a bad thing.
...Of course, 255 characters doesn't leave much room for spontaneity.

First Post

Here it is, the obligatory "is it working" post. As you can see, it most certainly is. I guess I'll try to post something semi-regularly but I'm really a very forgetful and ill-organized person. Meh.